Gratefully

Yellow, red, cold, dying; of changing days the signs are clear
Surely a season of reflection, Thanksgiving is here
The world in its ways claim a year of nothing but bad
Bankrupt nations, wars, and occupation; it's natural to be sad

Of personal note, please let me competently say
Tasting success in business and baseball is well underway
Children growing strong and marriage passionately sweet
Challenges at home and maturing faith makes life valuable and complete

Family together loving and healthy.  We all cheer
A spring break in New York City make new memories so dear
Starting Upside and coaching a blessing hands down
Instructing the best this summer down in Tiger Town

Serving in the Queen City new life is carefully seeded
Uptown is the spot where God's call is faithfully heeded
Reminded of His provision and grace overwhelmingly
A full year, so much, so good I offer this gratefully

Finding Pleasure in the Grind

How do you get from here to there?

Pursuing dreams and realizing goals accomplished is of course an important pursuit.  And for those who are into all that "chase your dreams" stuff, that pursuit is a valid answer to the above question.  I've written a post or two about goals and dreams and chasing in the past, so I won't add on here to that specific discussion.

The question persists.  Aside from cheating and behavior unbecoming of a decent human being (if there is such a thing--decency that is) how does one accomplish anything of value?  Answer:  Pay attention to the little things in life and find enjoyment in those small moments.  I like to refer to the day-to-day movements of life as the "grind."  To find pleasure in the grind means to find purpose in tasks that are as interesting as grandmother's sea shell soap that you're not allowed to use.  The mundane needs to be welcomed, not pushed away for some opportunity that never comes.  Know your routine and follow that guide daily.  In fact, create a routine that is made of building blocks.  Stack daily successes one on top of the other until those blocks have created something of beauty.

An aspiring gourmet chef must scrub pots and pans for a long while before their opportunity to inventory produce comes.  A salesman must make call after call after call (repeat) before getting that one 15 minute appointment with a potential customer.  A parent must communicate and model their expectations to their children every day for 18 plus years before sending them out into the world alone.

Seth says to "First Make Rice" and Dan interviews Josh Shipp and explains this concept in terms of breaking it down into smaller parts.  Both of these individuals I read regularly and believe you should too.  These guys are much smarter than me.

Don't wait until your desired creation emerges to enjoy it.  Love it now before it's fully formed.  Like an artist, excel in the craft of creating.  Find joy in the process.  Grind it out.  The end of a 162 game baseball season will come.  When the end arrives maybe you'll find yourself in the playoffs.

Do what you have to do today or else tomorrow won't matter.

Something Big

This is a big week.  Something important is happening and I am experiencing conflicting emotions.

Some of you know that there was a period in my life where I was just going through the motions.  This was a dark time.  I do not want to re-tell this story here, but suffice it to say, I was in a bad place emotionally, which effected me adversely in all areas of my life.  What I am announcing here, the reason this is a big week, was born from this bad time.  My journey through despair lasted about 2 years, and the path I am on now is about a year and a half in the making.

Drum roll please.  (Unofficially) I am a small business owner.  This becomes official with confirmation of processed paperwork already in the works.  The business is private youth baseball instruction and character development.  When confirmation comes I will be able to give more details.  My purpose now is to declare that God has cared for me beyond my wildest dreams.  The last 3 and a half years have been foundational toward the sense of accomplishment that I am experiencing now.  My heart has been re calibrated and my mind cleared and focused.  I can dream again.

One of the tools I have learned to use to transfer dreams to reality is affirmation.  I have always enjoyed inspirational quotes.  Now I do more with them than enjoy; I use these to motivate and inspire.  These quotes are used to affirm my desires and movement toward success.  One that I have used as I developed a business plan is, "If you build it, he will come." (famously from the film "Field of Dreams").  More significantly, I have been affirmed by God himself.  There have been few times I have believed God has spoken directly to me.  Last Sunday is one of those times.  Experiencing anxiety about the process of starting a business while considering all that could go wrong, I sensed God telling me to do this and shortly after that impression, I was thinking about everything that could go right.  I remembered again all the reasons this is important and why I am going for it.

So, yes, this is a Big week.  Bigger things are still to come.  I am feeling great ambition but also fear.  Strangely, I think these two emotions can work well together.  I suppose I will find out soon enough. 

Here is an affirmation for you:  "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."  (James 1:5)

Questions Aren't Bad, Are They?

In a broad stroke kind of way, epistemology is the search for answers.  Philosophers, writers and thinkers in general spend their time in pursuit both for themselves and for others.  Theology is the search for answers pertaining to all things God.  Pastors, teachers and church leaders devote their lives to know and to deliver the answers to life's difficult questions.

Rob Bell's recent release Love Wins and the controversy surrounding it causes me to question questions.  I have not read the book so I have nothing to offer regarding the book itself.  Reading some of the critique and viewing the backlash pushes me to think about how I process my faith as I search for answers.  I would not call myself a cynic, but I am sure I know very little.

Why is it that when questions or doubts arise, the knee jerk reaction is to ignore or to quickly justify some "answer" that really is meant to distract and push mental distress away.  Question askers seem to receive unfair judgement.

Here is mostly all I know.  From my own life experiences I am convinced that without sincere questions my life would be too comfortable and lacking significant purpose.  Only speaking for myself, in seasons I have encountered great darkness, wrestling with doubts and questions (that mostly go unanswered), these are the times that have produced the most personal growth.  Of course, these days were not my happiest but they were significant in that the questions pushed me to think, feel and experience God in a deeply personal way.

Answers are nice but not always necessary.

Wristband Discipline

Discipline is a controversial topic.  Fires get lit when the topic comes up among parents.  Usually this is because discipline is wrongly understood and treated as a hard science.  Let's start here:  discipline is not another word for punishment.  It is the process by which ideas, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors are learned.  Of course, all of these learned behaviors can be classified "good" or "bad".  Strike and burn!

Consider the paragraph above as a preface to a recent personal experience.  As a parent myself I have wanted to improve how I respond to my children in certain situations.  When it comes to high drama, conflict filled, emotion saturated environments I often break down.  I get stressed and that burn often resorts to speaking louder or (too) swiftly dishing out consequences.  Patience is not a quality I hold in excess. 

It got to a point that I was extrememly disappointed in my ability to take the time to calmly ask questions and logically manage a situation involving my kids.  Understanding the concept of discipline as I do, I realized I needed some.  So I decided I was going to teach myself to produce more positive and patient responses when the household stress-o-meter got jacked up.  I found one of those rubber bracelets that were all the rage not so long ago.  This wristband became a visual reminder for me to request patience in my prayers and a cue by which to actively pursue becoming a better father.  Whenever my stress level won out and I acted in haste, I would move the wristband from one arm to the other.  Let me be honest.  That transfer usually didn't happen right away.  Often an hour or two would pass before I would realize my reaction.  When I changed wrists I marked it in my journal with the date.  My goal was to string together 21 straight days of the bracelet resting on a wrist with zero transfers.  When I blew it, the episode was noted and the count would start over again.  I wasn't convinced this would work because after all, I'm not a Pavlovian dog, I am a man.  Worse!

Let me report that Christmas Day marked the 21st straight day of a certain brand of patience I was pursusing.  The perfect gift from God as the family celebrated together.  It only took me some 58 days total for 21 straight.  Twice during that time I made it to 20 days and relapsed.  I'm reporting on this now, some 2 months later, because I was reminded again this week in my devotions that God "works in me to will and to act according to his good purpose."  The wristband thing worked.  God acted and is changing me.

There is a reason school teachers send home dozens of math problems to do every night.  The coach has something particular in mind when demanding hours upon hours of drills.  It's hard work ramping up to some 25-35 running miles a week preparing to race a half marathon.  Discipline is the process of developing habits.  It takes practice; that is, repitition over and over again until the lesson is engrained.

Good thing I get 18 years to "raise" my kids.  I am glady taking everyone of those days and grasping tightly.  I need these years as much as them.

Life Is In The Nitty Gritty

Life is in the details.  I mean real, meaningful life is wrapped up in the building blocks of how our days are spent and experienced.  I am a details guy so it is easy for me to say and even easier to understand what I am actually thinking (translating thought to page is a different matter).

A song by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band called "Long Dirt Road (The Sharecropper's Dream)" has prompted my thinking.  I have dreams and sometimes the details surrounding me get in the way.  From the other side, if I did not encounter these circumstances, difficulties and short comings, would there be anything to work for?  And if I did achieve anything of value, could I enjoy it?

The long hard road of life can either stop me from living my dreams or become a stepping stone to fulfillment and satisfaction.  I have included the lyrics of this song from the "Plain Dirt Fashion" album:

Way back in my memory there's a scene that I recall 

Of a little run-down cabin in the woods 

Where my dad never promised that our blue moon would turn gold 

But he laid awake nights wishin' that it would. 

When the world was on our radio, hard work was on our minds. 

We lived our day-to-day in plain dirt fashion, 

With ol' overalls and cotton balls all strapped across your back 

Man, it's hard to make believe there ain't nothing wrong. 

But momma kept the Bible read and daddy kept our family fed, 

And somewhere in between I must have grown 

Cause someday I was dreamin' that a song that I was singin' 

Takes me down the road to where I want to go. 

Now I know, it's a long hard road 

Sometimes I remember when I stay up late at night, 

When the sun-up came, we got up and went 

In the shadows of a working' day, our moonlight hours spent 

Singin' songs along with gramma's radio. 

Now I'm beatin' down a ol' blacktop road, sleepin' in a sack, 

Livin' in my memories all in vain 

'cause those city lights ain't all that bright, compared to what it's like 

To see lightning bugs go dancin' in the rain. 

Momma played the guitar then, and daddy made the saw blade bend, 

And raindrops played the tin roof like a drum. 

But I just kept on dreamin' that a song that I was singin' 

Takes me down the road to where my name is known. 

Now I'm gone, and it's a long hard road 

Yes, I know, it's a long hard road.

The Cooper Man

Cooper Doo! from Rebecca Bryan on Vimeo.

From the little known fact department: Our man Cooper is named after the Baseball Hall of Fame. That's how special he is. Now you know!

Wonderful Miss

Miss Lara Leigh! from Rebecca Bryan on Vimeo.

It is difficult to believe I get to be her father. A privilege for sure!

We hit the JackPot!

JackPot! from Rebecca Bryan on Vimeo. Enjoy just a smidge of my great life. Great work sis!

Baby Girl Video

Libby Mae! from Rebecca Bryan on Vimeo.

A short produced by Rebecca Bryan. More Questions Than Answers has partnered with Vimeo for distribution. As a proud Pop my motivation is obvious.

On the 12 Day of Christmas...

Let's review, shall we?

12 Days of Christmas: God's Gift to Me
First Day: a wife
Second Day: 2 years of running
Third Day: 3 years of stable residence
Fourth Day: 4 children
Fifth Day: 5 year plan
Sixth Day: 6 books
Seventh Day: 7 episodes of disappointment & failure
Eight Day: 8th grade year and no memory of it
Ninth Day: 9 years of wonderful marriage
Tenth Day: 10th grade salvation experience
Eleventh Day: 11 years of work



My passion is baseball. Most of you who know me personally know that all too well. I cannot get enough. It's been that way since I was eight years old. I had the opportunity to play organized baseball throughout my childhood and I enjoyed every second of it. Even as a young adult, God gave me just enough ability and perseverance to play. On this last day of Christmas blogs let me just state that the number 12 was sewn on my back as I played for the Asbury College Eagles.


The baseball field was the most effective classroom setting I ever experienced. My coaches and teammates throughout the 12 years I played were the greatest teachers. There was something about the team concept and the experiential learning environment that was just right for meeting my educational needs. Basic but important lessons and skills were learned and developed during these fun years. Not everyone gets a chance to play sports at the college level, and I am so grateful to God for that chance.

On the 11th Day of Christmas...

God has given me 11 years of work. This might sound lame but with the current economic meltdown, I am reminded of the fragile job market and how I am not burdened with unemployment. Many are struggling, trying to piece together life with little resources, or none. To some small extent I can relate as there was a period of six months that I was unemployed. This period began just days before our second child was born. I was sent home--laid off/let go/freed up/downsized/available for other opportunities--whatever you want to call it. This was a scary time with medical bills on the way. God, in His mercy, opened up a new door and the fear was replaced with thanks. Although I am confident that all my needs will be met, I also understand that I am not immune to the reality of this down turn in prosperity.

Modest living with responsible and strategic financial planning, all wrapped up in faithful devotion to the One that makes life possible; that's the only advice I can give. Now back to work...

On the 10th Day of Christmas...

I've been granted new life because of Christ and God's work of grace as my 10th grade salvation experience will testify. That story is remarkable because it's my story. I didn't always have this opinion though. Early on, I was content to believe that my experience of faith was ordinary and anti-dramatic. As my faith matured and my knowledge of who God is expanded, my opinion changed.

I was an average kid I guess, with typical youthful tendencies and attitudes. Even though I had grown up in the church I was confused about what it meant to be a follower of Christ. My understanding was that attendance on Sunday was sufficient. As I got older, I struggled with direction and wrestled with identity (as most youth do I suppose). In the fall of my sophomore year in high school I met a classmate named Rodney Prater. We had an art class together and this meeting and the subsequent time spent as classmates set in motion a bigger story of what God was doing in my life. Our interactions together seem innocent enough, especially to outsiders who might have been paying attention. Although casual, our conversations and the way he conducted himself played big in my mind. Questions started to form but not to the extent where I was prepared to ask.

It was Super Bowl Sunday that year when he was on his way to his youth group Bowl party. Of course, being January, it was dark and the Kentucky country roads are as straight as a silly straw. Driving to the party, he rounded a bend in the road to fast and crashed head on into a electric poll. His car sunk down off the road and into the ditch below the road above. A day had passed before he was found. It was assumed by the medical professionals that he died upon impact. When the news broke, I was devastated.

It was at this point that the questions that had begun to form were now concrete and demanding my response. I couldn't understand why a person like Rodney, a serious and faithful follower of Jesus, would be gone this way, and so soon.

The only thing I knew to do at this point was to ask the questions out loud. I sought out the pastor of the church I attended each Sunday and began unwrapping the hurt and confusion and fear. The only thing he could do for me was to present to me again who Jesus is, and in this context, the message started to make sense. Shortly after, I decided to be a serious Jesus follower. I believed.

I am convinced that God's plan all along was to use Rodney Prater's life and death to get to me. There are probably others that can make this same boast. My faith story is big-time, as are all stories of salvation, because God brought me from death to life.

On the 9th Day of Christmas...

God has given me 9 years of wonderful marriage. The main pastor of our church recently said in a weekend message that marriage is the greatest exercise of self discovery. How true. I have learned so much about myself in these nine years that at times I haven't liked myself very much. Hilary is the real hero in this story as she has had to live with me. She is not my "better half," nor does she "complete me." She is, however, my life partner who supports and encourages me in good times or bad. We hold each other accountable to all that God wants in our lives. Accountability is the part no one likes but it's the part that creates the best fruit.

Marriage is an on-going spiritual retreat that requires thoughtful effort and honest responses. It is a practical demonstration of a spiritual reality, that being, the relationship between Christ and those who follow Him in devotion. Our lives of faith are stronger and maturing because of our relationship with one another. Our relationship is at it's best when we are investing in each other, seeking the best and serving one another. Funny how that same formula works as we pursue God. Our closeness or distance to God correlates with our attitude and service to others.

My marriage truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

On the 8th Day of Christmas...

12 Days of Christmas: God's Gift To Me.

First Day: a wife

Second Day: 2 years of running

Third Day: 3 years of stable residence

Fourth Day: 4 children

Fifth Day: 5 year plan

Sixth Day: 6 books

Seventh Day: 7 episodes of disappointment & failure

Now here is where this Christmas series of blogs gets dicey. I don't have eight of anything. I really only have two choices, ideas that seem plausible. The first being Facebook, as Kate Gosselin keeps appearing as a friend suggestion. I could befriend her and claim that I know someone with 8 kids. It kind of weirds me out that her profile pic keeps showing up to begin with, not to mention the idea of befriending a single, female Hollywood star.

Or, I could go with the fact that I have no memory whatsoever of 8th grade year. Seriously. I know the name of the building I walked into every morning that year but that's it. I don't recall any teachers' names or funny pranks or anything associated with any extra curriculars. There was my three day bus suspension for fighting, my failed attempt with the Speech & Drama team, the cracking noise my voice started making, rigging the locker so I could forget the combination, the incessant acne, and the archery unit in P.E. Other than that, my mind is drawing a blank.

On the 7th Day of Christmas...

As much as it hurts, pain and defeat are healthy. God has allowed me to experience much of it during my life. This Christmas I am reminded of 7 episodes of disappointment and failure, that when looking back, has strengthened my resolve to be better and do more. Here is my short list:

born with a damaged eardrum which caused severe hearing loss,

Christmas Eve emergency room party with a leaky appendix (the gift that keeps on givin'),

cut from the high school baseball team junior year,

denied request of marital blessing from my now father-in-law,

back-to-back church collapses (i was on staff at both churches, you connect the dots),

laid off from a job and unemployed for 6 months,

failed initial ordination board hearing

Hindsight is 20/20 and only after a period of time do I realize the growth as a result. Without the presence of impossible circumstances and unmet goals, can we really understand the goodness, grace and purpose of God?

On the 6th Day of Christmas...

Books are a highly valued commodity. I enjoy reading, more and more the older I get. There are 6 books that have played an important role in shaping my thinking. Those titles are:

Bible,

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis,

The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien,

Soul Survivor: How My Faith Survived the Church by Philip Yancy,

Crime & Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky &

The Screwtape Letters also by C.S. Lewis.

There are lots of other very important books, works that effect in different ways, whether emotionally or intellectually. Books are like music or film or fine art, the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What titles would make your list of influential books?

On the 5th Day of Christmas...

Recently I have undergone some much needed self-examination and God has given me fresh insight on His plan for me. As a result I have developed a 5 year plan designed to keep me focused on obedience and productivity. I have always been a dreamer type, but there was a time not too long ago where my ability to think and act beyond the present was missing. What used to be wild dreams without much of a framework for realization has become a calculated blueprint of action that will lead me toward the things that matter most: people, purpose and productivity. That blueprint calls for investments, both big and small, in every area of my life. If I am obedient and focused then I should see and hear God as He stirs my heart and directs my path. I'm sure there will be changes in the blueprint along the way, but I am also sure that if there weren't then I would be following my plan instead of His.

On the 4th Day of Christmas...

12 Days of Christmas: God's Gift To Me. (Click on the link to read the intro if you missed it.)

First Day: a wife
Second Day: 2 years of running
Third Day: 3 years of stable residence

There is nothing more miraculous than a child being born. I have been blessed with 4 children, three born and one to come (January 17th if not before). Parenting is a wonderful and yet strenuous exercise; the hardest road I have ever traveled, but also the most rewarding and meaningful. The two quickest ways to self-discovery are marriage and parenting. I enjoy both and am the better as a result. Not only can I contribute to the demands of the day with my activities and production, but I can effect the generations though the lives of my children. God's plan for them begins with me.

On the 3rd Day of Christmas...

God as given me three years of stable residence. From college graduation till November 2006 I have lived at nine addresses. The stat line is as follows: 9 towns/villages, 3 greater-metro areas, 3 states--all in 8 years.

My family and I love our home in Cincinnati. It's a slightly older home with a little character which contributes to the warmth that resonates within. We enjoy the relationships established with neighbors and the opportunities that come from a city its size. The advantages of living in a city are numerous and too good to pass up. Our family enjoys sports and fitness at the YMCA. The kids love the Zoo and the Museum Center at Union Terminal. Hilary and I take in a concert at Music Hall from time to time, and during the heat of the summer, I can be found at Great American Ball Park.

Slightly over a year ago, God came out from nowhere to bless our home by securing our safety with the removal of a badly broken tree. Here is where the above pic is relevant. The wind from hurricane Ike made its way north and did some serious damage, including splitting our 100 year old tree that sat less than 10 feet from the roof line. Taking out a tree of this size and situated as it was is no job for a rookie. Professionals cost huge bucks and for our modest lifestyle, impossible to pay for. A request from the insurance company was initially denied. Several weeks later, an adjuster shows up out of the blue ready to cut us a check. God not only has given us stability but also safety.

Three whole years in one place feels very nice. The memories and God stories are piling up.