Wristband Discipline

Discipline is a controversial topic.  Fires get lit when the topic comes up among parents.  Usually this is because discipline is wrongly understood and treated as a hard science.  Let's start here:  discipline is not another word for punishment.  It is the process by which ideas, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors are learned.  Of course, all of these learned behaviors can be classified "good" or "bad".  Strike and burn!

Consider the paragraph above as a preface to a recent personal experience.  As a parent myself I have wanted to improve how I respond to my children in certain situations.  When it comes to high drama, conflict filled, emotion saturated environments I often break down.  I get stressed and that burn often resorts to speaking louder or (too) swiftly dishing out consequences.  Patience is not a quality I hold in excess. 

It got to a point that I was extrememly disappointed in my ability to take the time to calmly ask questions and logically manage a situation involving my kids.  Understanding the concept of discipline as I do, I realized I needed some.  So I decided I was going to teach myself to produce more positive and patient responses when the household stress-o-meter got jacked up.  I found one of those rubber bracelets that were all the rage not so long ago.  This wristband became a visual reminder for me to request patience in my prayers and a cue by which to actively pursue becoming a better father.  Whenever my stress level won out and I acted in haste, I would move the wristband from one arm to the other.  Let me be honest.  That transfer usually didn't happen right away.  Often an hour or two would pass before I would realize my reaction.  When I changed wrists I marked it in my journal with the date.  My goal was to string together 21 straight days of the bracelet resting on a wrist with zero transfers.  When I blew it, the episode was noted and the count would start over again.  I wasn't convinced this would work because after all, I'm not a Pavlovian dog, I am a man.  Worse!

Let me report that Christmas Day marked the 21st straight day of a certain brand of patience I was pursusing.  The perfect gift from God as the family celebrated together.  It only took me some 58 days total for 21 straight.  Twice during that time I made it to 20 days and relapsed.  I'm reporting on this now, some 2 months later, because I was reminded again this week in my devotions that God "works in me to will and to act according to his good purpose."  The wristband thing worked.  God acted and is changing me.

There is a reason school teachers send home dozens of math problems to do every night.  The coach has something particular in mind when demanding hours upon hours of drills.  It's hard work ramping up to some 25-35 running miles a week preparing to race a half marathon.  Discipline is the process of developing habits.  It takes practice; that is, repitition over and over again until the lesson is engrained.

Good thing I get 18 years to "raise" my kids.  I am glady taking everyone of those days and grasping tightly.  I need these years as much as them.